Hestia (hestia8) wrote in tv_times,
Hestia
hestia8
tv_times

Christmas TV Preview

Firstly, Holby City:

Oh, yay. Peter Wingfield is just hot (and a bit of a bastard), Elliott and Mark are lovely, the posh boy (I can never remember his name – is it Joseph?) is so, so lovely.

Sometimes, it hits this grove where everyone and everything is just ace, and it’s in one of those grooves at the moment.

Now if only there was a fandom...

And well, bit late, this. I’ve already missed mentioning Hogfather, but seeing as Sky only ever gets about 3 viewers, I’m guessing I’m the only one who watched it.



I’m ignoring the soaps, because if you don’t know what’s coming up, you’re either living under a rock, or incredibly dedicated at not knowing what’s coming up.

I failed to watch Losing Gemma, though I can probably guess the plot…did anyone watch it? Was it good/bad/indifferent/exactly as you’d expect?

This week there’s The Worst Christmas Of My Life, if you like that sort of thing. Personally can’t watch that kind of stuff myself (I have never seen a full episode of The Office; humiliation comedy makes me cringe).

Tonight there is the last ever episode of Bad Girls, oh yes. In which Natalie Buxton returns from the dead, Bodybag becomes Wing Governor, and there has been a suspicious lack of Pat Kerrigan’s name in the previews, damn it. Should be insane fun, anyhow.

This Friday there is an MR James ghost story on BBC 4 (to go with The Haunted Airman, which I managed to miss). It stars Greg Wise, and he plays an academic staying in a hotel who hears funny banging noises (insert your own joke here) coming from the room next to his – Room 13. Trouble is, the next day the hotel staff deny that room 13 even exists…

Also Friday, if you can put up with Jonathon Ross thinking he’s hilarious then there’s Richard Hammond’s first TV interview since the car crash.

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Saturday is of course the Strictly Come Dancing final. Ramprakash or Dawson? Not sure I actually care, but yay sequins and dancing. There’s also the beginning of a Casualty two-parter, which is written by one of Waking The Dead’s writers. And you should watch it really because of this quote:

“It’s like when ER and CSI brought in Quentin Tarantino. We want to give those same qualities to Casualty…albeit on a slightly smaller budget.”
I’m tempted to turn that into the community icon, tbh…

Oh, and Holly Aird’s in it, which is nice for us WTD and having to put up with the Elliebitch.

And for those of you who like (or have relatives who like) archive footage programmes, there’s a show called Ghosts of Christmas Past, and alright, the footage will be obvious and clichéd, but it’s Christmas, isn’t it?

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Sunday there’s a stop-motion animation version of Peter and the Wolf which looks pretty good. Not suitable for younger children, apparently. How can you tell when they stop being ‘younger’? 5? 7? 9?

If you like Art History, there’s The Private Life Of A Christmas Masterpiece, which from Christmas Eve to Boxing Day focuses on The Anunciation by Van Eyck, Brueghel’s Census at Bethlehem and Gaugin’s radical God’s Child. Look at me, sounding like I know what the hell I’m on about…

Something which hasn’t been much mentioned is the special Christmas edition of Never Mind the Buzzcocks, which is 45 minutes long, and guests include Danny from McFly, who iirc is not the fit drummer. Oh well. Oh, and there’s a Mock The Week highlights programme too.

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Christmas Day there are the usual disasters in soapland, but hopefully by that point I will be hiding in my room with my shiny new stuff (and chocolate) so I can ignore them.

There’s also Doctor Who on Christmas Day, my reaction to which just makes my stepmum give me funny looks. I may be slightly looking forward to it.

There’s a special Strictly Come Dancing, which really will just be yay sparkles, Little Britain Abroad (I don’t get that either, I have to admit) and the Vicar of Dibley (and now I lose any shred of cool I ever had by saying yay!). And somewhat randomly ITV has a one-off special of Doc Martin. Not quite sure how they came up with that as the big prime time Christmas show…

Channel 4, by the way, is showing a programme called The Secret Family Of Jesus. Whether or not you care about this programme probably depends on if you like the Da Vinci Code. I thought it was a load of rubbish, but I think I’m in the minority.

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Boxing Day, I am 25. no, it won’t be televised, but I am rather excited.

Also, we find out just how much climate change is affecting us because they’re showing bloody Springwatch*! Oh no, wait, it’s an end of year review. Couldn’t they have called it Seasonwatch or something?

A new episode of Faking It is on Channel 4, in which a cleaner tries to become a burlesque dancer, with help from Dita Von Teese and Immodesty Blaize. It’s being tagged as ‘heartwarming’ but I’ve never had the patience to watch a whole episode, you know? Oh, and it’s followed by the Charlotte Church Show Christmas Special. Good lord.

Keeley Hawes is back on TV (yay!) with Ben Miles in After Thomas, in a story of a boy who has autism and the puppy who changes his life. Apparently based on a true story, and a massive hit on the ‘aaaaaaaah’ scale, I’d say.

BBC4 starts a mini-season (they seem to cal three programmes on the same theme a season; I’m not sure they’ve actually defined it) on adventure stories for boys or something along those lines. Tonight’s programme is about John Buchan.

It also turns out that there’s a documentary called Spy Stories which is about the difference between fact and fiction in the world of espionage, the RT says it’s new, but I swear I watched something with exactly this description a few weeks ago…

Randomly, there is also a programme on Five called David Icke: Was he right? Rather pointless waste of an hour, seeing as the answer can only be: NO. People get paid to come up with these things?

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The 27th brings a pointless programme (but cheap, obviously) about Connie from How Do You Solve A Problem Like Maria? Because it’s not like we know about her already or anything…

Oh, and the adaptation of The Ruby In The Smoke starts. I was mostly (but not entirely) sold on His Dark Materials, but this has Billie Piper and Julie Walters and will probably be very good. Although I can’t quite tell if this one is the whole thing or just the first part…

Oh, and you might want to note this, because I didn’t realise – QI gets moved to Wednesday night at 8.30.

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And then we reach the 28th. Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear.

It Started With Swap Shop (really? What did?) is on if you like nostalgia, Perfect Parents is on ITV if you want to watch Christopher Eccleston and Susannah Harker (I’d been wondering what happened to her) trying to get their daughter into a good school (yes folks, it’s another ITV psychological thriller, ohgodno), Is Benny Hill Still Funny? is on 4 (surely the question should be ‘does anyone care if Benny Hill is still funny?’) and the piece de resistance is on BBC 1.

Dracula. Starring Marc Warren. Oh, for fuck’s sake. I give up. Honestly. And have you read the plot? Jonathon Harker wants to shag his wife but can’t because he has syphilis, so in trying to find a cure he ends up getting Dracula involved something something will this do?

Jeezy Creezy, people. And yet I’ll still be watching it because David Suchet is in it.

--

The situation doesn’t improve much on Friday, though there is a programme about Tintin and a new Derren Brown show (though it is a recording of one of his shows as opposed to a Séance/Russian Roulette/weird stuff type thing).

And Mrs Henderson Presents is on, if you haven’t already seen it…

--

On the 30th there’s the final episode of Robin Hood, if you’re one of the five people still watching (though I may watch this just for comedy value), Harry Hill’s Christmas TV Burp and another Little Britain Abroad. There’s also a programme about Due South on ITV3.

New Year’s Eve in the Radio Times has a picture from Coronation Street which shows Sean dressed in a cowboy outfit. Seriously. I have no idea why, but let’s hope it’s a fancy dress party.

There’s also a Dead Ringers Christmas special, and a load of rubbish airtime filler about the previous year (mainly about celebrities and Big Brother, I would say).Oh, and Fear of Fanny, which I watched on BBC 4, is going to be on BBC 2. It’s very good, if slightly uncomfortable watching.

“If I had to do it all again, I would have used less fennel.”

And ohh the excitement, there’s a DOUBLE HELPING of Heartbeat (I know! Calm down, everyone, don’t get too exicted) and the usual stuff which I hardly think I need to list…

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New Year’s Day there’s The Wind In The Willows, which has Bob Hoskins (yay), Mark Gatiss, Lee Ingleby and Matt Lucas (oh dear). Could be good, could be awful. There’s also the Sarah Jane Adventures, which stands a pretty good chance of being better than Torchwood. It’s a one-off special that’s going to be followed by a series later this year.

Arena focuses on The Archers, which might be interesting, especially if you’re like me and you don’t listen to it, but you do sometimes read things in the newspaper and get confused…

ITV are showing something called Dead Clever, which is a black comedy (makes a change from a psychological thriller, I suppose) about a woman who plans to take revenge on her husband after she finds out he’s been having an affair for ten years….

There’s the final ever episode of The Vicar of Dibley, and the final episodes of this series of Torchwood – if you have digital (let’s hope they make a bit more of an effort next time) - and programmes on the Monty Python team and Damien Hirst.

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On the second there’s the This Life special, which I may watch just to boggle at Jack Davenport’s hair (I’m not a fan of the original series). There’s a documentary on WW1 deserters and an hour-long special of The Thick Of It.

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The third of January brings – oh dear – celebrity Big Brother. As ever, it won’t really matter if you watch it or not, you’ll still know all about what’s going on. And for those of you without digital/sky, the series finale of Torchwood.

There’s also an interesting-looking documentary about how Britain has the world’s fifth largest economy, and after you’ve watched that and you’re feeling all worthy, there’s the last episode of Green Wing. While this is most yay, it is also a shame as this is the last ever episode. Boo.

And just because of the picture in the RT – a massive bright blue scorpion, seriously, I didn’t even know there were blue scorpions – I have to recommend Expedition Borneo. Scorpions, snakes and giant spiders, it says here. Yay.

--

And finally, on the fifth of January, there’s a programme about Kew Gardens, which will keep my stepmum happy, a new series of Soapstar Superstar if you can be bothered (again, will keep my stepmum happy) and a new series of Room 101. I thought they’d stopped bothering with that…




*although the newsagent round the corner from me is selling mini eggs and crème eggs already.
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